I'll Pass
by Shattered Apocalypse
Summary: In which there is a sudden interest in Mikan's private life and a confusion of sorts when she openly admits she and Natsume have been "out of commission" for a month. /Koko sighed and patted Natsume in pity. "I feel sorry for you mate, really sorry."/


**Warning:** What can I say? Mild sex talk? Language?

**Disclaimer:** 'Cause I DISCLAIM.

Obviously rather AUish, with a hint of OOCness. The usual.

**NOTE:** This was originally posted on 6/24/11. A freaking year ago. But, alas, it got deleted a couple months back because I have a potty mouth. So I'm posting it up again, under a different title with a slightly different summary, because the story was highly enjoyed and I loved writing it and I know you guys loved it so there.

The above note was supposed to explain the timing in the plot, as well as the weirdness of my bottom note.

**I'LL SAY THIS AGAIN: I WROTE THIS FUCKING STORY A YEAR AGO. PUBLISHED IT A YEAR AGO. SO IF YOU THINK I PLAGIARIZED BECAUSE I RE-POSTED IT AND YOU'RE FUCKING DUMB, WELL, YOU'RE FUCKING DUMB.**

If I get another anonymous (PUSSY) review telling me I plagiarized from myself I'm hunting you dumbasses down. (I deleted the review, btw.)

Boom.

* * *

**I'll Pass**

She wasn't exactly sure how the conversation even _began_. It just kinda... popped out when Permy spoke of cramps.

Damn Permy and her goddamned cramps.

(...Sex was, of course, a natural occurrence for the average hormonal seventeen/eighteen year old. Mikan knew this, kinda like Mikan knew that Sumire would take about sex on the faithful day... She just tried to ignore it.)

Girl on girl (or girls) sex talk way perfectly _okay_, Mikan supposed, but being in a room filled with _every_ _single_ _one_ of her close friends (half of whom were _guys_)?

What the hell was Permy thinking, bringing on the sex talk?

"So any thoughts?"

Mikan rubbed her temples and then proceeded to take her light auburn hair out of its usual ponytail. "I want to kill you."

Natsume, her boyfriend of five years, chuckled at the reaction.

Permy, who was furious at her close girlfriend for not even _caring _about what she thought was a great topic, scoffed. "Well, I thought, considering you had Natsume-kun as your partner, you would be more open and happy about the topic."

Mikan chocked on air and Natsume looked like he was having a really hard time not laughing.

Everyone else sat silently as the night.

"What did I say?" Sumire questioned, confusion dominating every one of her features.

"Perms -" Shouda tried not to puke at the nickname. "- Natsume and I haven't been sexually active... for a while."

Mikan spared her hollering boyfriend a glance whist Shouda (and the rest of the gang {excluding one Hotaru Imai}) gave looks of pure and utter horror.

"How long have you guys... not done it?" Sumire whispered frantically and nervously, as if she didn't want to know the answer that would slip from Sakura's small lips.

Hyuuga stared at his girl while she gave the answer. "A month?"

"WHAT!"

A priceless face made by the sexy Hyuuga and a confuzzled Mikan verified everyone's suspicions. "We've been out of commission for a month?"

Koko sighed and patted Natsume in pity. "I feel sorry for you mate, really sorry."

"_What?_" Mikan asked, her defensive barriers piling up thick. Why were they sympathizing with her boyfriend? "I don't understand why everyone goes 'hooray' for sex. I mean, it's just some guy doing the same thing _over_ and _over_ again to a girl until she gets so sick of it she decides to bless the poor bastard with a fake orgasm just so that he'd fucking stop."

Shock was visible on everyone's faces, with the exception of the black-haired, red eyed attractive teen (and who could ever forget the Blackmailing Queen?), who only sat with an amused smirk on his face.

Yuu stuttered something incomprehensible and blushed in embarrassment, thus resulting in his blue haired beauty to try and calm him down (with no avail). Mochi just remained rigid in spot. No matter how many times his girl told him it wasn't true, that he was _superb_ at love making, he would not move.

Ruka looked as if he was about to break down, and Hotaru, his girlfriend of some three years (and god, were they _long _with all of her blackmailing stunts), had no words to say that could possibly help the animal lover's situation.

Tsubasa stared blankly, not processing any of the 'soothing' words said to him by his loving girl.

Koko, who fell on his ass due to the power of his friend's words, would not get up no matter how hard Sumire tried.

And Youichi? Well, his pride was a teeny bit _hurt_. Aoi patted him on the back in encouragement.

"Mikan Sakura! How could you say such things about sex with Natsume as your lover? I can't believe you! So are you saying that Natsume-kun sucks at sex?" Sumire was hyperventilating and it was not helping the situation.

Natsume looked at his girl from the corner of his eye and continued to bear amusement on his face.

"Huh? No, he's great. I'm just saying."

"WHY ARE YOU JUST SAYING?" she raged out.

"Well, doesn't sex get _boring _after a while of doing the same thing in the same place _every single _night?"

Perms was downright bewildered.

"And plus, Natsume isn't even in his dorm half the time because of missions _and _being the Student Council President."

"You know, considering you _are_ his VP, you guys could just do it in the Student Council room..." Mochiage said in a dead serious tone, letting his words hang in the air.

"Seems like an appropriate thing to do when you can't get to the bed on time..." Yuu signed, still quite dejected from the earlier commentaries thrown by Mikan.

"What? No! They have freaking cameras in that room!" Mikan was exasperated (the fact that they somehow started talking about _her _sex life pissed her to no end).

The Devil sat with a smirk, his eyes glinting with something unknown and unseen by others.

The Ice Queen sat knowledgeably on the corner of the desk.

"Well, you said it was boring in the same place all the time!"

"I didn't mean it _like that_!" The amber eyed girl screeched, about to explode.

And the sex talk continued.

_~Three Hours Later~_

"THAT'S IT! I need to take care of Natsume's wounds. WE'RE LEAVING!" The petite girl grabbed her boyfriend's bicep and walked (read: furiously yet gracefully) out the door.

They went into Natsume's Special Star dormitory. "Think they fell for it?" she whispered.

"Oh, I think you did more damage than necessary." He scooped her up and kissed her hungrily.

"I should consider acting as my career..."

He kissed her once more. "So where are we doing it this time, Polka?"

"I think the kitchen will do." She laughed and began unbuttoning his shirt.

_Back In The Classroom_

Hotaru, the amethyst eyed beauty, slammed her book together. It was time to clean up the mess. "You're all idiots."

"What do you mean?" Ruka looked at his girlfriend curiously.

"The noises that come every night from Hyuuga's room? Mikan sneaking _out _of his room in the morning? She has everything she needs there, too."

"Holy-"

"Not to mention, the Student Council room _has _no cameras."

"They played us for fools!" Koko screamed in agony.

"That's because you _are_ fools. Don't you know?"

"Know _what_?"

"It's 12:00 am. April Fools, dumb asses."

"Now that I think about it, maybe we _should _do it more often in the Council room. The desk is pretty comfortable."

* * *

Lord... April Fools has long passed, but I had to make an excuse for the prank Natsume and Mikan pulled.

So tell me... Did you like it?

Thanks for reading, now if you just reviewed...


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